Freshly Pouring Rain

My mind was clear leaving work tonight

For once no worries just being

My focus mainly on the pattern of the rain that gently splashed against my skin

The air was cool, crisp, absolutely delicious to my weary lungs

My steps were not of haste

I just wanted to soak in every feeling, sensation

I thought of nothing, especially not you

The sound of my name snapped me out of all drifting thought

I turned catching a glimpse of your wet frame coming closer

Standing with bated breath I tried to discern what you were doing here

“Hi,” was all I could say

My voice had an edge

Nervousness throbbed in my heart

But why?

Maybe I already knew your intentions

You met me at my car

Standing so close the scent of your cinnamon gum became my atmosphere

Your words pressed firmly against my heart, “I’m sorry for being a jerk, give me a second chance, come to coffee with me. Tonight”

I stood there gently trembling partly due to the cold, but more so due to my answer

“I would love to. But I can’t, not tonight.”

Your gaze slowly fell, resting on my trembling hands

My heart quickened as I saw your hand slowly reach toward mine

The moment of touch sent electricity through my entirety

Your grip was firm, warm, reassuring

More words reached my ears, “I was wrong about you. I want you in my life. I’m so lonely, but with you I know I’m known.”

My mind told me to leave now.

To get in the car and speed away.

But your last words rang true of my own heart.

“I’m so lonely. I just want to be known.”

Looking deeply into those gorgeous brown eyes of yours,

I heard my voice saying  “I’m right here.”

You moved in closer pressing yourself against me

Not moving a muscle, just reminding myself to breathe, I stood firm

I felt your hand gently rest against my side

Pulling me impossibly closer

Your lips took mine by surprise.

I was lost in the warmth of you.

A sudden sensation of cold wet metal, snapped me back into reality.

My lips broke away, freeing the gasp from my lungs to be heard.

Your firm body pressing me against the car,

I knew, knew instantly this was wrong.

Pushing against your solid pounding chest I whispered “I have to go.”

Leaving the parking lot I glanced in the mirror

only to see you consumed by the freshly pouring rain.

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New Ways

 

Paper and pen lying restlessly in candlelight

Awaiting a touch – to be used for their created purpose

Words flow seemingly effortlessly, smoothly

A sudden halting, an impugned flow

The crumpling of paper, tossing of pen

Words of encouragement silent yet again

Your need is far deeper than the effort of paper and pen

The Source is what you crave, your deepest thirst

My pen is silent, my paper unclaimed

For the Source is moving in new ways…

 

Shared

Shared words in the quietness of a late evening

No longer are there any false pretenses or facades – just open vulnerability, complete honesty

As I look upon your weary face and stare into those warm brown eyes – all I hear is the pain and angst that pours forth from inside

The words used in expression of your deepest vulnerabilities still catch me by surprise

For it is through love filled eyes that I look upon you, yes you have weaknesses but you also have beauty

Seeing your inadequacies, your lacking self-confidences, flaws, insecurities, and mistakes does not change your good heart, it never will

You see, the areas where your confidence wanes, those are the places by which I see your most beautiful gains

I see the shame and guilt tugging at you, but hear me – you have been made clean, spotless, pure once again. Your garments are now composed of grace and mercy.

The original goodness of your created being will never fade

Amidst the pain and angst you grow in depth. Not deeper in self-pity but deeper in the heart of the Father.

Dear one, the struggle is good. I know it hurts, that it tears, and pulls, and crushes, but at the end you will find that you are more immersed in your first love

For the veil will be lifted and you will find yourself leaning on your beloved in the cool of the evening

So keep on dear one, for you are doing well and I am so proud.

Endeavor

Secret Agent X-9 (1945) movie poster

Mission assigned

Snippets piquing curiostiy

All week long little hints

Inspiring pretend moments – secret agent style

Arrival at desired location

Stealthy trip down a narrow trail

All at once a sudden expanse

Roaring falls, smooth rocks

A glorious bridge, in triplicate

All the worries of life –

Freeingly crashing over those falls

Tattoos

Photos

Poetry

Favorites

The smile of a most beloved friend

Warming and refreshing a weary heart

A tucked away moment to bring refreshing

To give, to bless, to delight

Wholly splendid

Uniquely serene

Mission accomplished

Sometimes

 

Sometimes I wonder if I am worth it.

You know, really worth it.

I ponder upon who I am,

who I have been,

and all that I have done.

I look at my feeble heart,

all it has to offer.

And I wonder,

how could I,

me in my simple self,

be worth such love.

Be worth any love for that matter.

Am I worth it?

The answer slowly escapes across my lips,

I don’t know.

 

 

Away

i have been away

trying to escape my so called life

every night the same crossroads

to drift deeper into an abyss

or to fight for the reinstatement of light

thusly i drift deeper

i don’t even want to fight against it anymore

the problem is that in this process of losing me and the pain of my reality

i know that i am losing my connection to You…

its time to take my battle stance

for if i lose You then i lose my entire point of existence

God there is nothing in this life worth sacrificing my connection with you

but the present condition of my life, depletes me

every morning i wake up with seemingly no point to get out of bed

when alone i feel the inside of me dying

i thought i could withstand this time

this season

but i cant

instead of standing i have run away

its time to take my battle stance

for if i dont i will be lost forever

God i cant do this alone

i will stand

i will endure the heat of the furnace

in the fires You have placed me

that i may be purified to your standard

but i need you there with me, or else i will surely perish

i am ready

to be

consumed