“Damaged goods” It swirls round and round in my head. A reverberating echo through all of me. From mind, to heart, to soul. Slicing me to shreds, like a stiletto in an alley fight.
Damaged goods. That’s what I am. It’s what I’ve become. I see it on the faces of others when they look at me.
I’m no longer good. Not top shelf material. I am the pushed off dented can at the supermarket. Second rate, if that.
Damaged goods I can’t even bring myself to look up at the world like a human being anymore. When I see that look of disdain flash across your face. “I’m not good enough” is what your eyes scream out as you glare at me.
It doesn’t matter that everyone has a past. It doesn’t matter that everyone makes mistakes. It doesn’t matter that I’m not the only one like this. All that seems to matter is that I don’t meet your approval. Therefore I have lost my value to you.
Damaged goods. Why won’t you love me?
You looked so small today.
Like all the weight you’ve been carrying
was finally starting to defeat you.
Your sloped shoulders
and wearied face
shouted of your smallness.
Those normally radiant brown eyes of yours
we’re dark and forlorn.
Not yet vacant, but most distinctly pained.
Where are you my love?
Where are you?
Because you are not here with me,
right now in the moment.
You are somewhere else,
somewhere dark and crushing.
Oh my little bird, let me help you.
tell me where you are.
Tell me what you need.
Take my love.
Take my strength.
Take whatever you need.
So that you can be big again.
Light filters through the window
Almost like cascading water
beckoning me to its calm release.
I gently take off my shoes,
and bringing my knees to my chest
sit in its magical warmth.
Allowing it to melt the tension
wound tightly in my muscles from the day.
Light filters through
and reveals ever gently
the truth of me.
In the shadows my frail state is hidden
but the light;
the light illuminates
that I too am human.
My scars finally seen,
My heart completely unmasked,
My mysterious facade liquified,
As I sit, bared,
knees tight against my chest,
as the light filters through.