Knife

If I

could take a knife

and carve my own heart

out of my chest

I would

Because it would be less painful

Than my day to day experience

Losing you

Letting go

Allowing us both room to grow

Is killing me

Eroding away everything good I contain

I’ve gone beyond hating this

To not knowing whether I can truly survive alone…

Goodbye

Today I said goodbye
amidst trembling limbs and cascading tears
through an avalanche of tumultuous emotions
all the while reminding myself to breathe

Today I said goodbye to my heart
my grounding force
safe place
to my home

Today I said goodbye
and as I watched you leave
my heart broke
every step you took further from me
another shard splintered off
when you stepped out of view
my heart was nothing more than a pile of debris

Today I said goodbye
knowing that your new chapter in no way involves me
and my insecurities scream saying you don’t need me
won’t want me
and will ultimately forget all that we’ve been

No one understands exactly how I feel
and how could they
I don’t understand it myself

Today I said goodbye
and have no idea how to go keep going
You look around and see newness and possibility
I look around and see memories of you everywhere
Every sight shreds my heart anew

Today I said goodbye
to me
and you