Loneliness is etched into my soul
The scarred tissue still fresh
There is no stopping it’s suffocating presence
Especially not when I see you
You my calm, reassuring voice of encouragement
I see you pulling away
Battling your own demons
And it terrifies me
This thought of losing you
It haunts me like a nightmare
Little Bird, don’t let go please
always brought shame upon me
Continuously taunting that I would never be good enough
reeked of guilt,
No matter how hard I tried,
I would always be
an imperfect human being.
a personal tormentor.
But I’ve suddenly realized
there are two sides to this coin.
There is more than just weakness to my humanness.
Yes as hard as it is to see sometimes
there is indeed a redeeming aspect of my personal human condition.
Even at the lowest points
on the worst of days
there is a heart still beating
faint, rapid, continual
A heart that against all odds
and better judgement
still brims with love.
A love relentless and devoted.
Unquenched by tragedy and despair.
A love that makes up for everything I am not.
A love best seen through the cracks of me.
My humanness forever will say
“Love found me first and
that is why I remain.”
I broke today
in a room of known strangers
15 sets of eyes
gazed on me
as I confessed my deepest secret
I’ve lost hope
tears filled my eyes
as I fought back the sobs
springing forth from the depths of me
no one was to know this reality
but the question asked was so pointed
I couldn’t hold back my honesty
confession is said to be good for the soul
but this reveal brought no release
only stacks of shame
this once heroine
stood there amidst onlookers
now nothing more than a shattered figurine
the truth was out
my identity was a shambles
my once residual strength a farce
I was nothing but a million fractured pieces