Etched

Loneliness is etched into my soul
The scarred tissue still fresh
There is no stopping it’s suffocating presence
Especially not when I see you
You my calm, reassuring voice of encouragement
I see you pulling away
Battling your own demons
And it terrifies me
This thought of losing you
It haunts me like a nightmare

Little Bird, don’t let go please

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Humanity

My humanity

always brought shame upon me

Continuously taunting that I would never be good enough

My humanity

reeked of guilt,

inadequacy,

weakness.

No matter how hard I tried,

I would always be

an imperfect human being.

Humanity,

My humanity,

a personal tormentor.

But I’ve suddenly realized

there are two sides to this coin.

There is more than just weakness to my humanness.

Yes as hard as it is to see sometimes

there is indeed a redeeming aspect of my personal human condition.

Even at the lowest points

on the worst of days

there is a heart still beating

faint, rapid, continual

inside me.

A heart that against all odds

and better judgement

still brims with love.

A love relentless and devoted.

Unquenched by tragedy and despair.

A love that makes up for everything I am not.

A love best seen through the cracks of me.

My humanness forever will say

“Love found me first and

that is why I remain.”

 

 

 

Sunday Meetings

I broke today

in a room of known strangers

15 sets of eyes

gazed on me

as I confessed my deepest secret

I’ve lost hope

tears filled my eyes

as I fought back the sobs

springing forth from the depths of me

no one was to know this reality

but the question asked was so pointed

I couldn’t hold back my honesty

confession is said to be good for the soul

but this reveal brought no release

only stacks of shame

this once heroine

stood there amidst onlookers

now nothing more than a shattered figurine

the truth was out

my identity was a shambles

my once residual strength a farce

I was nothing but a million fractured pieces