Good for You

I don’t think I’m good for you
I want to be
I want to be one of your answers
To be the one to rescue you
To save you from you
But thats the problem
I save you from your pain, from your consequences, from the things that will cause you to grow
I want whats best for you
to help you reach your potential
to make sure you’re safe
I know myself well enough
to know that I will protect you
with everything within me
but is that good for you?
we talked about being toxic
and I think the truth is
that I’m toxic for you
in my effort to help I’ve gotten in the way
I’m no longer helping
I’m actually hurting you
and all I want is whatever is
Good for You
Even if its not me
because I love you
more than I love me

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Song

I sing

In the shadow of your wings

I hide my heart

In the depths of you

Your love

is my sanctuary of rest

Your arms

my place of strengthening

You look at me

And I melt

in the warmth of your gaze

You see more than my failings

More than my strengths

More than my empty places

You see all of me

Dead End

knees tapping together
the classic tell tale
you must be riddled with anxiety
but, wait.
your face speaks of something else…
is that boredom?
bored.
ah yes I see it now
how did I miss it?
from shoulders to toes it oozes
your life isn’t what you’d thought it’d be
those decisions you made at the beginning
the ones that were suppose to be “life changing”
and in the “right direction”
have led you here
to a brown leather chair
in the middle of a bustling
coffee shop
and there you sit tapping those knees
your face shows signs of life
but your eyes,
your eyes reveal,
your inner zombie state
those decisions that would seemingly change everything
took you to a dead-end
which you can’t escape
it is here your dreams died
and hope receded
here you first encountered that zombie
now living in you
and there you are
across the way
knees tapping together
in that brown leather chair
bored

Hold

Lord hold my heart

steady my shaking limbs

for the brokenness is deep

I ache

with the pain of goodbye

to what has been

what i have come to love

and now must relinquish

I face the unknown

for once not alone but

hand in hand 

with the One who knows all

Steady me, Lord

slow this racing heart

exhale peace into

my terrified lungs

I rest in your protection

your providence

I will follow

your lead

even

in the midst 

of newness

 

Hunted

A monster pursues me,

mercilessly hunting me down.

I’ve tried to escape it,

tried to runaway or fight,

but nothing seems to work.

Every time I dodge away,

there it is beside me again.

I quickly turn around to flee,

only to find it staring me in the face.

All day long I wrestle with the monster,

relentlessly fighting against it.

Some days it begins to devour me,

as it holds me tightly within its grip.

Eventually, causing me to succumb to the power of its torment.

Other days I am able to push it off and escape.

Even when I try to slip into the peaceful oblivion of sleep – I hear its raspy breathing surrounding me on all sides.

My body unwilling shivers,

knowing the monster could overtake me at any moment.

I lie there breathlessly still,

praying that God would save me from this evil.

Knowing all the while that the monster is not without,

but within.

Tears cascade down my face as I plead with God to save me,

from myself.

To rescue me from the monster that I have created.

For He is the only one that can save me.