To Be Me

I was raised to

have manners

in all situations

To love others

before they ever love you

To give beyond measure

out of the entirety of your being

I was born to

let people know

they are both seen and heard

To love them

at all times

regardless of their own failings and weaknesses

To give encouragement

from what I know, see, and hear

My purpose and training

has finally culminated

into being a loving presence

of support.

I finally know

who I am

and what I am meant to do…

To simply be me

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Hold

Lord hold my heart

steady my shaking limbs

for the brokenness is deep

I ache

with the pain of goodbye

to what has been

what i have come to love

and now must relinquish

I face the unknown

for once not alone but

hand in hand 

with the One who knows all

Steady me, Lord

slow this racing heart

exhale peace into

my terrified lungs

I rest in your protection

your providence

I will follow

your lead

even

in the midst 

of newness

 

Change

Change is essential

Forcing us to grow

beyond our comfortable

our known

Change brings newness

challenge

redefinition

But in the midst of even the best change

there is one thing

that breaks us little by little

You see

change brings

loss

The hardest element

of growth

of change

is not the new frontier

before us

but the known that is

being ripped away

It hurts

to say goodbye

to what was

for it will never be again

not in the way it used to

This is change

 

 

Tears

I cried tonight
Tears from the deep
Ones etched from the very fabric of my soul

You know the kind
Tears accompanied with that sickening guttural cry.

I’d forgotten pain this deep existed
well at least inside of me.

When will I ever be more than just a weak insignificant nothing
falling apart at the seams

I cried tonight
And broke into a million tiny pieces
Amidst silent deafening screams

One day I’ll be whole
One day I’ll exist without this gaping hole in my weakened heart

But until then
There are bound to be more nights like tonight.