Beauty

I find beauty in those around me.

Seeing past their flaws,

inadequacies,

mistakes.

Nothing can hide who they truly are.

Lovely,

stunning,

strong,

so worth loving.

I’ve never seen beauty in my own self.

Only flaws,

inadequacies,

mistakes.

Nothing good,

lovely,

nor inspiring.

But things are slowly changing.

For when I look in the mirror I see something new.

A faint hint of, dare I say it, beauty.

I don’t understand it, its never been there before.

Perchance I’m beginning to see what I’ve been blind to, all this time.

A deeper truth of me.

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Looking

I’ve been looking for love

Desperately seeking it

Looking everywhere I can

In the depths of darkness

The throes of light

Peering into the clouds

searching under the ripples of the sea

 

I thought I caught a glimpse of it

Just a shimmer

but now I doubt

It seems to evade me

intentionally

Who

I feel like I’m falling apart

Unable to be what I’ve always been

But that is Your plan, right?

Making me in to something different.

You tell me to trust You

as You do something new.

My heart keeps on sinking

deeper

and

deeper.

‘Cause i don’t know who or

what I am

if I can’t be who I’ve always been.

But that is the point isn’t it?

To lose myself and find you.

What will you do with all the pieces of me?

I lay down my cape

and bow to your will.

Show me who I am to be for all of eternity.

Hunted

A monster pursues me,

mercilessly hunting me down.

I’ve tried to escape it,

tried to runaway or fight,

but nothing seems to work.

Every time I dodge away,

there it is beside me again.

I quickly turn around to flee,

only to find it staring me in the face.

All day long I wrestle with the monster,

relentlessly fighting against it.

Some days it begins to devour me,

as it holds me tightly within its grip.

Eventually, causing me to succumb to the power of its torment.

Other days I am able to push it off and escape.

Even when I try to slip into the peaceful oblivion of sleep – I hear its raspy breathing surrounding me on all sides.

My body unwilling shivers,

knowing the monster could overtake me at any moment.

I lie there breathlessly still,

praying that God would save me from this evil.

Knowing all the while that the monster is not without,

but within.

Tears cascade down my face as I plead with God to save me,

from myself.

To rescue me from the monster that I have created.

For He is the only one that can save me.