I will never stand out
Forever lost in the clutter
of the human population
Do you see me
I get lumped with everyone else
being “great” and all
but in the end i know
just another face in the crowd
Do you see me
enough to give me an honorable mention?
I know its nice to have me on your side
always there when you need
it is my duty
my deepest devotion
it’s just sometimes it’d be nice to be
the important one
just for a moment
In the end
thats not how the world works
So before my selfishness gets the complete better of me
I’ll let it go
and play second fiddle
The reality of me
is that I’m selfish
and just want to feel important
my selfish ways offend
sorry that I’m so messy
this is my unpleasant reality
Ahhh gentle sweet melodies
my roommates voice
carries across the midget hallway between our rooms
she is tinkering on that keyboard again
serenely creating an atmosphere of song
Her disney princess tones
adding hues and depth
to the simplest of compositions
voice and music creating
one seamless harmony
There is no beginning or end to this union
I sat there with slumped shoulders
Tears racing from my eyes
only to collide with my darkened skin
So much pain
So much regret
So much fear to ask the question pounding in my mind
Hesitation grips my heart and voice
as I try to bring words to my trembling lips
“If you had known
all that would have happened
in our friendship
at the very beginning…
Would you still have been my friend?”
Your answer flows as smooth as fresh linen against my skin
No mistakes of the past
all that being your friend
has brought to my life.
You mean so much to me.
You are so kind, gentle, and compassionate.
I wouldn’t trade you in order to have a past with no mistakes.”
These words pierce to the deepest place of my heart
My weeping overwhelms my being
Gently resting my head upon your shoulder
I release it all
the regret, shame, blame
You have squelched my deepest fear
that I was a mistake.
You sit there so calmly
as your “strong” friend
crumbles to pieces
This is love through grace
that you see me beyond my mistakes
All things are redeemable
through the One
who gave us grace.
In your eyes
Beaming like a freshly born sun
So much happiness
For these tired eyes to see
Such beauty in life without misery
Don’t change that childlike nature
It’s so stunning
You being you
Inspires me to be me
Knowing that we were designed
Exactly as we were meant to be
is so freeing
Every once in a while
My life comes to a pure and utter standstill
Where silence abounds in resonate waves
It is here on the shore of tranquility that beauty captures me once again
In a simple fundamental way
Here where my attention is captured by a gentle rapt
Ever so faint but as I focus in around its beat
I quickly realize it is the beat within my own chest
That effectuates deep beauty
The rhythm of my beating heart
Proves yet again that beauty is held within
You see that beat, that unmistakable pitter-pat
Holds within it a thousand melodic harmonies
Ceaselessly in amazement am I
That my chest holds the object of your affection and endless pursuit
Your whole purpose both life and death
Has been about making my heart yours
Not to declare ownership rights
But instead to show what the beauty of true love is
Two hearts beating as one in unmistakable rhythm
No longer alone
Instead now forever in sync
Every time my world comes to a halt and all noises are hushed
I am finally able to hear once again
That I am not alone
No matter what it may seem
For in the gentle beating of my heart
I hear the deep reverberation of yours as well
Reminding me that I live in rhythm with you
Where are the answers?
My life is like a tilt-a-whirl at the fair
Round and round at vortex speed
It doesn’t care if I’m nauseous or dizzy
My windedness and feelings will never hinder its momentum
nor impugn its flow
I keep asking questions
in an effort to keep up with that ceaseless whirl
The only answer I ever receive is the effect of gravity
Hopefully this ride will pause
even if just for a moment
So I can catch my breath and ready myself for the next round
Until then I’ll cling to the strap which fastens me inside this aluminum box
on the tilt-a-whirl
Still asking questions
to the Maker of the universe
as it rushes past at g-force speed
“Here You go. Here it is. All of it.”
I step back to see my heart in Your hands.
“God, take it.
Remove the calluses.
Peel away those layers of hardened dead flesh from it.”
Slowly You work on it.
Revealing its truth of old.
It is composed of soft enlivened flesh.
“Restore love and joy back into its pained existence.
Remind it of the reality of grace.
I place my heart in your hands.
Take it please.
And breathe life back into its quavering form.
For only You can.”
I see You slowly raise it up to your mouth.
Gently You purse Your lips and blow.
Steadily Your exhalation moves over its surface.
A tear escapes Your eye
revealing that You have seen me this whole time.
Painfully the layers fall away.
Avowing that truth of old.
New life breathed in once again.
Tucked away into the farthest corner of the closet
They first started collecting over 50 years ago.
Now they are a plentiful pile of old bones.
No one in the family ever speaks of that closet.
Although we all know what is housed within its dark paneled walls.
All the pain carefully hidden away and yet so painfully obvious.
We would all be for the better if we would finally give those dry bones a proper burial.
With the last shovel of dirt thrown, to then look at our neighbor and forgive them, as we finally forgive ourselves.
But instead we remain seated around the table.
With those pains harbored away in our hearts.
but forbidden to be spoken of.
Hopefully one day
that dreadful musty closet door is opened,
to begin the healing.