unpleasant reality

I will never stand out

Forever lost in the clutter

of the human population

 

Do you see me

Really?

 

I get lumped with everyone else

being “great” and all

but in the end i know

the truth

just another face in the crowd

 

Do you see me

enough to give me an honorable mention?

 

I know its nice to have me on your side

always there when you need

it is my duty

my loyalty

my deepest devotion

 

it’s just sometimes it’d be nice to be

the important one

just for a moment

 

In the end

thats not how the world works

I know

 

So before my selfishness gets the complete better of me

I’ll let it go

and play second fiddle

 

The reality of me

is that I’m selfish

and just want to feel important

appreciated

 

my selfish ways offend 

even me

 

sorry that I’m so messy

needy

and self-centered

this is my unpleasant reality

Harmony

Ahhh gentle sweet melodies

my roommates voice

carries across the midget hallway between our rooms

she is tinkering on that keyboard again

serenely creating an atmosphere of song

Her disney princess tones

adding hues and depth

to the simplest of compositions

voice and music creating

one seamless harmony

There is no beginning or end to this union

instead wholeness

If You Had Known

I sat there with slumped shoulders

Tears racing from my eyes

only to collide with my darkened skin

So much pain

So much regret

So much fear to ask the question pounding in my mind

Hesitation grips my heart and voice

as I try to bring words to my trembling lips

“If you had known

all that would have happened

in our friendship

at the very beginning…

Would you still have been my friend?”

Your answer flows as smooth as fresh linen against my skin

“Yes.

No mistakes of the past

could ever

overwhelm

all that being your friend

has brought to my life.

You mean so much to me.

You are so kind, gentle, and compassionate.

I wouldn’t trade you in order to have a past with no mistakes.”

These words pierce to the deepest place of my heart

My weeping overwhelms my being

Gently resting my head upon your shoulder

I release it all

the regret, shame, blame

You have squelched my deepest fear

that I was a mistake.

You sit there so calmly

as your “strong” friend

crumbles to pieces

This is love through grace

that you see me beyond my mistakes

All things are redeemable

through the One

who gave us grace.

No Junk Here

Excited freedom
In your eyes
Beaming like a freshly born sun

So much happiness
Joy
Exuberance

It’s refreshing
For these tired eyes to see
Such beauty in life without misery

Dear heart
Don’t change that childlike nature
It’s so stunning
Sweetly captivating

You being you
Inspires me to be me
Knowing that we were designed
Exactly as we were meant to be

is so freeing

Heart of Matter

Every once in a while
My life comes to a pure and utter standstill
Where silence abounds in resonate waves

It is here on the shore of tranquility that beauty captures me once again
In a simple fundamental way

Here where my attention is captured by a gentle rapt
Ever so faint but as I focus in around its beat
I quickly realize it is the beat within my own chest
That effectuates deep beauty

The rhythm of my beating heart
Proves yet again that beauty is held within
You see that beat, that unmistakable pitter-pat
Holds within it a thousand melodic harmonies

Ceaselessly in amazement am I
That my chest holds the object of your affection and endless pursuit
Your whole purpose both life and death
Has been about making my heart yours
Not to declare ownership rights
But instead to show what the beauty of true love is
Two hearts beating as one in unmistakable rhythm
No longer alone
Instead now forever in sync

Every time my world comes to a halt and all noises are hushed
I am finally able to hear once again
That I am not alone
No matter what it may seem
For in the gentle beating of my heart
I hear the deep reverberation of yours as well
Reminding me that I live in rhythm with you

Tilt-A-Whirl

Where are the answers?
My life is like a tilt-a-whirl at the fair
Round and round at vortex speed
It doesn’t care if I’m nauseous or dizzy
My windedness and feelings will never hinder its momentum
nor impugn its flow

I keep asking questions
in an effort to keep up with that ceaseless whirl
The only answer I ever receive is the effect of gravity

Hopefully this ride will pause
even if just for a moment
So I can catch my breath and ready myself for the next round
Until then I’ll cling to the strap which fastens me inside this aluminum box
on the tilt-a-whirl
Still asking questions
to the Maker of the universe
as it rushes past at g-force speed

Avow

“Here You go. Here it is. All of it.”

I step back to see my heart in Your hands.

“God, take it.

Change it.

Remove the calluses.

Peel away those layers of hardened dead flesh from it.”

Slowly You work on it.

Revealing its truth of old.

It is composed of soft enlivened flesh.

“Restore love and joy back into its pained existence.

Remind it of the reality of grace.

I place my heart in your hands.

Take it please.

And breathe life back into its quavering form.

For only You can.”

I see You slowly raise it up to your mouth.

Gently You purse Your lips and blow.

Steadily Your exhalation moves over its surface.

A tear escapes Your eye

revealing that You have seen me this whole time.

Painfully the layers fall away.

Avowing that truth of old.

New life breathed in once again.

The Closet

Skeletons

Tucked away into the farthest corner of the closet

They first started collecting over 50 years ago.

Now they are a plentiful pile of old bones.

No one in the family ever speaks of that closet.

Although we all know what is housed within its dark paneled walls.

All the pain carefully hidden away and yet so painfully obvious.

We would all be for the better if we would finally give those dry bones a proper burial.

With the last shovel of dirt thrown, to then look at our neighbor and forgive them, as we finally forgive ourselves.

But instead we remain seated around the table.

With those pains harbored away in our hearts.

Painfully obvious

but forbidden to be spoken of.

Hopefully one day

that dreadful musty closet door is opened,

to begin the healing.