Letter #4

Dear Friend,

Do you ever have those “woe is me” moments? I find myself in this realm lately. I try not to be. I try to avoid this particular emotional perspective in life. I fight so hard against it. Yet there are moments where it comes in like an overwhelming tsunami, who can withstand that? Who can exist when everything feels like the weight of the world? I hate it so much, I wish I was light and carefree or maybe just happier. To be something or anything more than what I currently am. You hear that, that tone, that whine? All of my words and thoughts these days have that sound. This feeling, this sound, it brings me to a solitary place of “what now?” How do I pick up the pieces and begin towards a place of something better. I feel so lost, so vulnerable, so immobilized. There it is, what I try to hide most in my life… my weakness. I want to be this big impenetrable force, untouchable, strong, self-sufficient. In my mind this is the perfect existence. But then there comes a moment where I come to the aide of another. It is there in that moment I witness vulnerability, insecurity, rawness, weakness, and it undoes me because in the midst of all of that humanness I see beauty in its purest form. Such moments cause me to ponder, what if my own beauty isn’t found in my strength and ability to be a solid fortress? What if instead the best of me comes through my weakness? To be that open and transparent terrifies me because if people see the real me and reject it, then the mighty mountain that composes me will crumble into mere dust and I don’t think I could survive that. Perchance there is a middle ground where my strength meets my vulnerability and this is the sweet spot, the place where I truly am all that I was meant to be. I pray that in your journey of life you are able to find your sweet spot where your full potential is owned.

Your Friend,

-M

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