Recognition of The Seen

This afternoon I attended my favorite and most cherished cousin Tamarah’s baby shower. I haven’t seen Tammy since she moved out of the country with her husband over a year ago. To say I was excited to see her is an absolute understatement. I have missed her so, so, so very much. It was like seeing a long-lost sister this afternoon. Excitement completely enthused this heart. The reason I am writing is to give recognition to something I never thought I would see so clearly.

You see Tammy and I are roughly the same age. We both came from good families, have college degrees, and have fantastic senses of humor (hehe). I knew that after she got married things would be different she would have a new level of maturity about her, that only a real marriage could bring. However, I never expected to see the refined woman who I encountered, today. I mean sure, her and her oldest sister were still acting like they did in their teens (I guess some things don’t change). But, the gracious hostess and stunningly beautiful mother to be that I encountered simply took my breath away.  Last I saw her was before her wedding, today I saw an eight month pregnant glowing woman. Long gone was the girl trying to discover who she was and here before me stood a woman most assured in the path she had chosen. To say that I am proud of her isn’t enough, for I have always been proud of her. She is a darling, a dear soul, a person of compassion, and great heart. She is someone whose presence is instantly missed. Someone you always want to have in your life.

As I sat and sometimes stood there looking at her, I couldn’t help but think it was only yesterday that we were having sleepovers. That we were working on college assignments at the dining room table, next to each other. Only yesterday that we were fighting over who Nagymama belonged to at some holiday get together (which its me by the way). It seems like life has flown by. We are no longer children, or awkward teenagers (thank goodness for that), but we have finally become women. My life path is not the same anymore as Tammy’s, maybe it will be someday and when that day comes I will obviously ask for advice. I miss getting to share the same experiences as they are happening, I miss getting to see her every holiday get together, I simply miss her. But I would not wish this time in her life to happen at any later moment than now. For you see, today I saw a deeply joyful woman who I have never seen before. I will always cherish our childhood but I am so happy to see her where she is now.

I know that my dear Tammy will be a most excellent mother. That she will love, nurture, and care for her son as well as any amazing mother of the past has. I just wasn’t prepared to say that final goodbye to our childhood selves today. We have grown, we have moved, we have become women that may not do everything perfectly but we do all things with a passionate heart. So to my dear Tammy know how proud I am of you, how much I love you, and how much I will always treasure the memories and moments we have shared. I bless you and your husband on the precipice of this new exciting endeavor. A family of your very own.

 

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Alone

Shouting world hushed

Hustle and bustle now stayed

Amidst the peace a dull ache

Growing stronger

In the recesses of silence

A hidden pain lurks amongst the shadows

An abyss comprised of loneliness

Haunting this heart when all the world slumbers

War rages within

A strong enemy leads the charge

Shouted threats to conquer

When all the world is hushed and stayed

The recessed shadows come haunting

 

 

To Be Unmade

The question rises
Do you know what it’s like to be unmade?

I know what it’s like to make myself into something.
Not necessarily something I wanted,
but some “thing”
nonetheless.

This question haunts me.
Do you know what it’s like to be unmade?

The mere thought of it scares me,
into ignorance.
Yet, I hear it chanting in my ear, Do you know? Do you know?
The echoes resound in my heart.

Do you know what it’s like to be unmade?
Do you know?

Masquerade

Masquerade
Hiding behind the best mask,
I can conjure
In this “Ball” called life
Forever pretending to be
Something better
Than what I truly am.

Make believe
Is the only rule of this reality
Telling myself and all the world
That I could truly
Be redeemed
Renewed
Remade

Masquerade
Feelings
Beliefs
Notions
All plastique figures
Created to be noble, alluring
But all the while made of paper mâché.