Obsession

I’m pretty sure this obsession (addiction?) has swallowed me whole.
In the beginning I could still see me, my heart, my goodness.
Now, now there is nothing that resembles me anymore.
Just filth, pure lust laden muck now resides in what used to be me.
I no longer recognize the girl looking back at me from the mirror.
The goodness is gone, the remnants now only a hollow shell.

If only I could have seen this reality at the beginning.
I never would have played, never would have flirted, and never would have crossed that line.
I would have run away; sprinted to the nearest exit, would have treated this as the leprosy that it truly is.
But I didn’t and now I find myself consumed by this flesh-eating disease.

It slowly ate away at me bit-by-bit, piece-by-piece, until it finally reached its intended target, my heart.
I thought I could fight it or at least keep my heart safe from it.
Now I know that was foolish logic, for nothing can protect flesh from pure acid.
Everything corrodes eventually when caught in relentless prolonged exposure.

Is the heart redeemable, can the flesh be saved, cured, reclaimed?
I fear I have lost it forever, that it is beyond the touch of healing.
Consumed by obsession if only I knew this would be the consequence.

Caught at the crossroads of, “do I fight it or finally completely succumb to its seductive call?”
Is there hope or did I willingly give away my freedom, my life?
Is my existence to remain a zombie forever?
How I wish I knew.

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