I am not someone who is loved…
The phrase that haunts my darkest nightmares
Fuels my deepest sorrows
The statement of perceived truth I try to hide from all the world
When you look in my eyes and I rapidly blink and look away
Its to hide the fact
I this broken down
Remnant of a heart
I am not someone who is loved.
My mind races
With how much I will miss you
Regardless of where I am
Thoughts overwhelm my heart
It’s not even the big things
That cause my breath to hitch in my chest
But instead the million little things
Like the way you smile
When you find what I say charming
That laugh of yours
The way your muscles react to my touch
The smell of you (fabric softener, warmth, & the scent unique unto you)
The warmth that radiates from you
The little things
That I so easily took for granted
And now seemingly ache for
We are a million moments
You are every memory
as I ponder how much I miss you
I keep reminding myself
that this is a good move for you
that you will excel and prosper
like you’ve been aching for all these years
But my heart
my heart doesn’t want the physical distance between us
it wants you close by for always
because i love you, cherish you… need you
Do I love you enough
to be strong
as the miles between us span farther and farther?
I know I do.
I know my heart is forever bound in loyalty to you.
I can’t help but love you even more
as I hear you tell me about your day, your week, your new life.
I realize this is good for you,
with each passing day I’m more convinced.
But my heart can’t stand this truth of having to let you go.
Of knowing that one day you’ll find a new version of me, who will become your new best.
For it seems that my soul is destined to be a part of your life,
in however many forms it must take to be with you.