It

I am not someone who is loved…

That’s it. 

The phrase that haunts my darkest nightmares

Fuels my deepest sorrows

The statement of perceived truth I try to hide from all the world 

When you look in my eyes and I rapidly blink and look away

Its to hide the fact 

That I

I this broken down

Remnant of a heart 

Am unlovable 

I am not someone who is loved. 

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The Little Things

My mind races
With how much I will miss you
Regardless of where I am
Thoughts overwhelm my heart

It’s not even the big things
That cause my breath to hitch in my chest
But instead the million little things
Like the way you smile
When you find what I say charming
That laugh of yours
The way your muscles react to my touch
The smell of you (fabric softener, warmth, & the scent unique unto you)
The warmth that radiates from you

The little things
That I so easily took for granted
And now seemingly ache for

We are a million moments
You are every memory
Your pieces
Complete me

Miles Apart

Runny nosed

and tear-stained

as I ponder how much I miss you

I keep reminding myself

that this is a good move for you

that you will excel and prosper

like you’ve been aching for all these years

But my heart

my heart doesn’t want the physical distance between us

it wants you close by for always

because i love you, cherish you… need you

Do I love you enough

to be strong

as the miles between us span farther and farther?

Yes.

I know I do.

I know my heart is forever bound in loyalty to you.

I can’t help but love you even more

as I hear you tell me about your day, your week, your new life.

I realize this is good for you,

with each passing day I’m more convinced.

But my heart can’t stand this truth of having to let you go.

Of knowing that one day you’ll find a new version of me, who will become your new best.

For it seems that my soul is destined to be a part of your life,

in however many forms it must take to be with you.

Miles apart

aching

and overwhelmingly

missing you