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It’s hard to realize that you are more than your mistakes. That you can become something greater. Hope is still possible.

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The Dairy Freeze Out

“Went to the Dairy Freeze

last night—tried to forget

the ice-cream, the numb

pinching force in my skull,

the lawless hunger of need,

needing someone, anyone,

to walk with me back home.”

“Needing someone, anyone, to walk with me back home.” I have never had my heart thrum in rhythm as much with another person as it does with you. Seeing this statement that you penned ignited both anger and pain, reaching into the deepest chambers of me. The beauty and loveliness of you should never have to experience the bitter freeze out of loneliness. Yet, I know you do. No words I offer or love I extend can tame that voracious beast you wrestle. Everytime I see it coming closer in your life all I want to do is shout “Tell me what to do! How do I beat this for you? Tell me the secret and I will vanquish your foe.” As I look in your eyes I see the reality that this is your battle to find victory. I would willingly take every pain from your gentle, loving heart and make it my own… Because I love you. But I now know that you are not the fair princess that needs to be rescued, no, indeed you are not. You my dearest one are the amazon warrior who fights on behalf of herself and blazes a trail of advocacy for others. You experience the freeze out of loneliness, but like any hero you are never overcome by it. Live on brave warrior and know all the while that I am here.

Just Maybe

Maybe I know what you need
Long night drives on back country roads
Breathing in that fresh air warmed by the occasional bonfire

Maybe I know that you need
Those solitary moments alone
Where you witness the last of the holiday spirit
Decorating the homes along the lone road
Mirroring gingerbread houses with all their trimmings

Maybe I knew that you needed
10 days of hell so you could truly see your own condition
The state of your soul
Physicality
The very truth of you

Maybe I knew you needed
Your cage rattled so that you would realize that you aren’t alone
You truly aren’t alone
That I have been here the whole time
And I’m not going anywhere

Maybe I know
That you need to know that
I’m here forever

Sweet Breezes

Sweet breezes
Reminding of freedom
Peace
Purpose

Gently caressing
as they softly kiss my warmed skin.
Their true strength hidden
as they intimately consume me.

The pure scent of them
ravaging and cleansing
my weary lungs.

If only I could stay wrapped
in their swirling embrace, forever.
Then maybe I’d finally be free enough
to discover who I really am.
But as is their nature they fade,
disappearing as suddenly as they had swept me away.

For the rest of my life
I will revel in our encounters.
For it is in those sweet moments
I get a taste of the real me.

I will be forever free
in sweet breezes.

The Dark Reality

Darkness called out to me

sensually whispering to me that it was the answer

to everything

my worries

my secret fantasies

my deepest passions

the answer to all of me

Darkness called out to me

trying to coerce my heart

into its languid depths

slowly seducing one piece at a time

using the pain housed within me

as the most lethal weapon

in it’s deathly plan of consumption

Darkness called out to me

assuring that a life of secrets

was the best form of protection

no one would know the truth of me

I could be seen exactly how I wanted to be

all I had to do

was to keep up the illusion

of a double identity

Darkness called out to me

in ways I never before imagined

that I’d never experienced

drawing me in through the areas of my naïveté

leading me to believe I was strong enough

to step into its shadows and remain unscathed

Darkness called out to me

and I listened

believing its sweet crooning’s

following its directions into its inner labyrinths

Darkness calls out to us all

making promises it can never keep

offering protection that’s merely an illusion

once it has us in its belly

it keeps us confused and disoriented

because it knows it is in that state

we fall into desperation, into despair

it is here where darkness consumes us

body and soul

When darkness calls out to you

respond to it with this truth

the light may reveal our shadows

but it also illuminates our hope

and in the end

that is our saving grace

Heart of Matter

Every once in a while
My life comes to a pure and utter standstill
Where silence abounds in resonate waves

It is here on the shore of tranquility that beauty captures me once again
In a simple fundamental way

Here where my attention is captured by a gentle rapt
Ever so faint but as I focus in around its beat
I quickly realize it is the beat within my own chest
That effectuates deep beauty

The rhythm of my beating heart
Proves yet again that beauty is held within
You see that beat, that unmistakable pitter-pat
Holds within it a thousand melodic harmonies

Ceaselessly in amazement am I
That my chest holds the object of your affection and endless pursuit
Your whole purpose both life and death
Has been about making my heart yours
Not to declare ownership rights
But instead to show what the beauty of true love is
Two hearts beating as one in unmistakable rhythm
No longer alone
Instead now forever in sync

Every time my world comes to a halt and all noises are hushed
I am finally able to hear once again
That I am not alone
No matter what it may seem
For in the gentle beating of my heart
I hear the deep reverberation of yours as well
Reminding me that I live in rhythm with you

Conviction

I feel the potential of you

with deep set conviction.

 

Can you feel it?

That unmistakable knowing

that you will one day bloom

into something far greater

than any of us had ever imagined possible.

 

I’m not convinced of this fact.

No, I am far beyond convinced

when it comes to the reality of you.

I see it. I smell it. I feel it to the core of me.

How great you will be

and the restorational change you will bring.

 

I hope that you too

will be convicted

of the potential of you.

Deep down to the marrow

housed within your being.

 

You are so much more

than what you perceive yourself to be.

My dear, beauty and light are your substance.

No more grey; no irridescent light instead.

Effervescent joy is who you are.

Truly.

 

I stand here

as a voice of encouragment

a continuous breeze in the sails of you.

 

I believe in you… wholeheartedly.

 

If you were a boat,

I would be the wind

in your sail.

Well at least one of them 🙂