Gentle Joy

Some giants are pint-sized

Some warriors are wounded and worn

Some intellectuals have the largest hearts

I’m realizing that you more than caught me by surprise 2 years ago

You surprise me everyday

I tell you you’re incredible

That you’re amazing

Try to express how insanely much you mean to me

I don’t know if you truly realize all that you are

But I will tell you this…

You’ve saved me more than once

Loved me when no one else would

Held me as I shattered apart

and gently put me back together

Over and over again you speak hope and light into my deepest darkness

You are the strongest, bravest, biggest person I know

and I can honestly say I’d be lost without you

 

Advertisements

Okay?

On edge
spinning out of control
heart racing
so hard to breathe
can anything pull me back from the brink?
slowly losing my mind
hope ebbs
strength recedes
I’m losing me
but is that okay?

Louder


Love the voice of my redemption, restoration, the battle cry of my resurrection… you save me from my inner torment, when I don’t know if I can keep going you call to me once again. Ever deeper, ever knowing, ever consuming. 

Keep

You keep my heart from dying.

Loneliness eats away at me like a parasitic disease.

At its strongest I feel my very heart start to die within me.

Suffocating, squeezing, consuming…

Yet in the worst of moments I feel you, hear you,  see you.

Your touch on my skin reminding me there is still warmth in the icy tundra of the world.

The words that escape your lips press so deeply into me, like the gentle reassuring pressure of a hand in the small of my back.

I don’t think you realize how you keep me from losing all sanity.

Every interaction, every moment you recognize me as a human being, as more than a mere face in the crowd, you save another part of my heart.

I withstand the abyss because of the love you offer and reinforce me with.

 

Etched

Hope is a foreign element

to my overwhelmed heart

It’s so alien

so hard to try to capture

let alone hold onto

They say its essential

that without it we die

That’s where I am dying…

Tonight I was rash

Normally, I’m planned, methodical, well-formed

Tonight I knew something had to change

I took hope and etched it into me

into my very flesh

trying to make it a part of me

The pain of hope mixed with my life blood

As I tried to catch my breath

I knew that this was the beginning

of a new

raw

authentic me

Hope will be mine

and I will own it with every breath

Finding You

Finding you

I realize

is what

I desperately

need

 

So lost

frozen

overwhelmed

 

I have lost you

and in doing so

have lost me too

 

My own heart

seems to be

disconnected

from my very body

desolation

my only companion

hope

an obscured myth

 

Desperately

I look for you

because you

are my

last chance

we both know

I’m dying

teetering

on the edge

of pulling a trigger

I can never

recover from

 

Finding you

is now

my only hope

but in reality

it always has been

I am My Garden

There in the corner

residing against the fence

Never wanting to get in the way

but also desperately desiring to be noticed

 

There I am

in all my reality

tilled, broken, bleak

not seemingly good for much

just a plowed pile of dirt

 

I am my garden

small, weak seedlings

slowly emerging towards the sun

 

This is me

spindly, awkward

unsure if I can really make it

If I can ever grow into anything more than a seeming weed

 

Those seedlings you witnessed

are my hope, my love, my perseverance

those fragile little entities

are all that there is to me

 

I can’t make myself grow

but it’s so scary to stand tall and vulnerable,

waiting, hoping to gain another centimeter

eventually another inch

So one day

I can be strong and lovely

just like that garden

over there in the corner